You've been eyeing her for months. You know, that amazingly cute HR girl your company hired back in September? Yeah, the adorable little squeeze muffin with the radiant smile and the Rita Hayworth hair. That alluring manner in which she asks you for time off forms. That flirting way she calls you up and asks why you came in late yesterday (because you overslept). Those Casual Fridays when she fills out those baby doll tees like only she can. Yeah, that unattainable goddess that you could only admire from afar because she was dating some fuzzy-haired, backwards-cap clad clod named Rodrigo with earrings and a bicep tattoo.
That is, until a couple of weeks ago, when she gave said clod the heave-ho for sleeping with a high school glee club member. Now, you've worked up enough courage to make a move. You offer to take her to dinner later in the evening, and lo and be-freaking-hold, she accepts. "Why not?" she says. "I think I deserve to be pampered for once." You offer to pick her up at 7. And pamper her egregiously afterwards.
It's now 6:40 and you get into your modestly-sized but eminently practical car. You're wearing that one outfit you usually only wear to company functions and courtrooms. Thankfully she's never seen you in it because there hasn't been a company function since old Willie retired back in June. You are wearing cologne named after some French guy you've never heard of. You're a bit nervous, but also excited. Psyched. You're a beast on the prowl ready to pounce, but you're also cheerful and carefree. You wanna blast something from your stereo that reflects your mood.
You play an intense yet irreverent thrash metal song. (turn to page 13)
You play a funny yet still rocking psychobilly song. (turn to page 16)
You play a sexually charged, misogynistic gangsta rap song. (turn to page 19)
This is, of course, based on those old Choose Your Own Adventure books. And let's just look past the fact that I am totally ripping off this idea. Oh, and I'm going to be taking a few days off from this thing, so have fun with my little diversion in the meantime.
