(inserts 1984 CD)

(selects track 6)

(THUNDEROUS DRUM INTRO)

Woohooooo!  Go Alex, go!  Beat those skins!  Tame those traps!  Bash the living hell out of those, um, cylindrical things!  Whack those shiny metal doohickeys for good measure!  Ooooh, yeah!  Get down with your bad self!  Pound those drums like there's no...

(WAAAARRRRHHH weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley weedley)

Oh, great.  Who let Alex's alcoholic brother into the room to wank all over everything?

Make no mistake about it, I loved Van Halen's rhythm section.  More than anything, what first turned me on to the band were those great solo breaks in many of their early songs, but it had nothing to do with the actual solos - it had everything to do with the groovetacular playing of Alex Van Halen and bass player Michael Anthony.  Even with all the flash and the lightning speed and the ooh-aah factor of Eddie's soloing, I just never really took to it.  To me it's the quality of notes that make a guitar solo, not the quantity.  I liked the solo breaks because I could just IGNORE all the seemingly random guitar diddling and focus on what Alex and Mike were doing.  And way more often than not, I loved what they were doing.

And this "Hot for Teacher" solo break is a perfect example.  When the solo starts, in my "mental jukebox" as it were, it just gets pushed aside and I go nuts for that groove Alex and Michael are laying down.  Great, great stuff.  No other 80s hard rock band could even touch that.

You know you want it.  Watch the T & A-laden video for "Hot for Teacher" on YouTube.

This is part of a week-long series on David Lee Roth-era Van Halen.